


No Freebies

by AnAngryCat (Gummy_Squid)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Drug Use, Humanstuck, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-23
Updated: 2014-01-23
Packaged: 2018-01-09 17:54:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1149053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gummy_Squid/pseuds/AnAngryCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Die, Doze, and Itchy relax after a full day of work and Die learns something about Itchy that he had no idea about before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Freebies

Die walked into Doze’s bedroom with Itchy after a long day at work. Doze sat cross-legged on the floor with a bag of weed out, Die joined him on the floor while Itchy sat on the bed awkwardly watching the two sort out the stems. Despite the constant boasting Itchy does about his exploits, he really has never tried weed. They were working alongside Crowbar that day and normally Die would light up a smoke on the job because, despite the high action there was in that job, it was mostly sitting around and observing. As Itchy puts it , the job was “boring as fuck,” at least Crowbar, or, as Itchy likes to call him, “Mr. No Fun Stupid hat”, a descriptive and appropriate nickname, left right after the job to run some other errands, leaving them to smoke as they pleased. “Crowbar has such a tight ass- I mean, is such a tight ass,” Die said to Itchy after he inhaled and exhaled.

“You’re so gay for him, dude,” Itchy laughed and bit his lip enviously, “It’s so obvious, why don’t you go suck his dick already?”

Die glared at him, “why don’t you come suck my dick?”

Itchy laughed and said half-jokingly, “Hell yeah, you know my favorite thing in the world is your lame-ass piercing getting stuck in my teeth.” Itchy only saw it once while he “accidently” caught sight of Die peeing. Itchy actually found it interesting to look at, but he never stopped giving Die a hard time about it.

“We don’t talk about that piercing! It’s for intimacy, and you're not getting your nasty mouth anywhere near my dick.”

Doze sat quietly, high and rolling his eyes at Itchy’s sad attempt at hiding his strange attraction towards Die. Die, on the other hand, was too stupid to know it and took Itchy’s half assed acts of affection and teasing as personal attacks.

“Can’t be so bad compared to what’s probably been your mouth,” Itchy replied. Die stared at Itchy scornfully, Die didn’t like to talk about that either, though it was true that he had some unsanitary foreign objects enter his mouth. Tense, Itchy laughed as if what he said was hilarious, and continued to press him, “What? It’s fuckin true though, who’s dick you gotta suck to get teeth like that?” Die scowled and edged his hands to his pockets for his doll, not being in the mood for Itchy’s shit while he’s high.

Doze is still sitting quietly, he holds up the doll, “looking for... this?” he said.

Die tries to grab it only to have Doze pull it away, “yo, give it here!”

“No… I have no time for this diva shit.. you two either chill out… or leave,” Doze puts the doll into his coat pocket. Doze takes his down time seriously. Die sighs and glances at Itchy who’s smiling smugly.

“You were gonna kill me because I called you out on blowing Sawbuck?” Itchy blurted.

Die lunged at him, he couldn’t put up much of a fight but still managed to leave Itchy with some bruises. It would have been more satisfying if he wasn’t laughing while getting smacked around. Die sat back down and took another hit. Itchy grunted, got up, and sat a little too close to Die than what Die would have preferred. “You feel better now, princess? Got that all out of your system?”

Die blew the smoke in Itchy’s face, making him cough. Die smiled, “You need your inhaler, kid?”

Itchy held in his coughs and choked, “naw, that’s just- that must be some real good stuff!”

Doze raised an eyebrow and reached his arm over, offering the pipe to Itchy, “You want to try some?” Itchy glanced at it and laughed shyly.

“Naw man, I, uh, smoked earlier today, I’m good.”

Doze edged his arm further, “Everyone knows you haven’t done it once in your life… Try it, wimp.”

Itchy perspired, “What do you mean I never tried it, I’m high like… 24/7, yo!”

“No you ain’t, yo, you’re afraid to do it aren't you?” Die grinned. Itchy scratched his neck and looked away, Die jeered, “well it’s might make you relax a bit, jumpy.” Die took the pipe from Doze and held it up to Itchy, “tell you what, Bitchy, you puff some of this and I’ll let you do whatever you want to me. I’ll even let Doze hold onto my doll so I don’t want to see you dead after you do something presumably stupid to me, how’s that sound?” Die assumed Itchy would like to do some inane prank on Die, like replace his hat with cake or something equally stupid. Die didn’t care, he just wanted to laugh at Itchy choking and not being able to handle something he claims he does all of the time.

Itchy squinted his eyes at him and thought if Die really meant that. He pulled the pipe away from Die and put his mouth on it.

“You got to put your finger on that hole,” Doze said to Itchy. Itchy looked for the hole carefully and put his finger over it.

“I know that! I just wasn’t ready,” he retorted and put his mouth back on.

“Are you gonna light it or are you just going to keep sucking it without anything goin in?” Die mocked. Itchy snatched the lighter and struggled to get it to flicker. Die laughed at him for a moment before he took the lighter back and lit it for him.

Die urged him to breathe in so Itchy sucked in as much as he could, keeping most of it in his mouth. He sat with his cheeks puffed out and Doze told him, “inhale it… you goddamn pansy…”

Itchy did so, his lungs and throat burned, his eyes and face reddened, and he coughed like crazy afterwards. Die shook his head and smiled.

“Dang, pretty weak for someone who tokes it daily.”

“Shut up, man, I did it,” he said in between coughs, “now you gotta let me do whatever the hell I want to you,” he felt light headed and for him it was uncomfortable.

“Sure, bro, try not to misplace my hat too badly or talk about my mom too harshly this time, lay it on me, what do you want?”

Itchy paused. Doze took back the pipe and lit it for himself as he waited for what he thought was going to be Itchy making Die let him give him a handjob. Instead, Itchy simply requested, “go out with me.”

Die had a confused look on his face, “what?”

“Y-you heard me,” he muttered embarrassedly, “go out with me, on a date.”

“You mean like a freebie behind the Denny’s?”

“No, you gross piece of shit, like to the movies or something.”

“A freebie in the movie theater?”

“NO! NO FREEBIES AT ALL, I JUST WANT TO HOLD HANDS AND SHIT, YOU STUPID FUCKER!”

Die’s confusion increased, he had always assumed that Itchy hated him seeing as he always treated Die like the butt of a joke. Doze slouched, looking at them both and feeling a bit of second hand embarrassment.

Die wasn’t sure if he was more confused by the fact that Itchy possibly liked him, or the possibility that people might actually like him and not just want him for cheap sex.

Die had stopped smirking by now and mumbled, “You’d really want to go out with me?” Itchy blushed and nodded. Die was almost flattered until he realized that this itself could be some prank. “What, do you plan on putting acid on my popcorn? Cause it’s happened before and I’m not falling for that again!”

“What the hell?”

“Or putting a worm in my drink, or playing recorded farts in the theater, is that what you're gonna do?”

“Uh, as fucking hilarious as that’d be, no?”

Die became jittery, there was no way Itchy could be telling the truth. “Or you’re probably gonna pull a Crowbar on me and leave me at the theater after you’ve blown me, do you hate me that much that you want to bring my hopes up like that just to tear em’ down?”

“What? Die, slow down, when the hell did Crowbar blow you? I didn’t even know he was into dudes like that.”

“I did...” Doze said quietly.

Die sighed, “ah, whatever, you won this bet anyways so I guess it don’t matter what you do to me.”

“Um, sure, cool, so how’s eight tonight sound?” Die shrugged, Itchy continued, “okay… Any, uh, movie you wanna see?”

“The new Shrek, I was distracted and couldn’t pay attention last time I saw it at the theater.”

Itchy smiled, “hella, it’s date!” he felt himself get excited but tried to settle himself down so as to appear collected to the other two, but it wasn’t as if he hadn’t been stressing over how he would ask out Die for a while now. Die glanced over at Doze and expressed the agitation towards Itchy on his face. Doze half smiled, knowing clearly how bad Itchy had been wanting to do that, and gave Itchy a thumbs up, which confused Die even more.


End file.
